The Fluidity of Memory
Our memory is tinted by a multitude of factors, making perspectives inherently diverse.
Your life experiences, temperament, and even factors like how you were feeling on a particular day—how much sleep you got, how attentively you were listening—all color your interpretation of events. With so many variables shaping our viewpoints, it’s no wonder that agreeing on "what actually happened" can sometimes seem impossible.
This naturally raises a deeper question about the nature of reality itself. If everyone interprets the world through their own unique lens, shaped by differing experiences and perspectives, can we truly say that we all inhabit the same reality? It’s a perplexing thought, one that invites some interesting questions.
This phenomenon is closely linked to our relationship with memory. While we may assume memories to be like snapshots of the past—albeit slightly blurred—is this accurate? Memories are more like subjective reconstructions, shaped by the emotions, biases, and perceptions we held at the time of the event. Furthermore, as we recall memories over time, they may be reshaped by new experiences, information, and interpretations.
Another fascinating aspect of memory is how vast stretches of our lives can be distilled into just a handful of vivid images. Think back to your elementary school days, for instance—perhaps a fleeting montage of moments emerges, capturing only a tiny fragment of the experiences from that time. The same happens when recalling your teenage years or your first love. These images aren’t ones you consciously choose; they arise spontaneously in your mind’s eye. So, who—or what—is doing the selecting? The truth is we don’t know.
This perspective is directly linked to how we experience nostalgia. Nostalgia often filters out the negative details, leaving us with idealized memories of "the good old days." This can be comforting, fostering gratitude and a sense of connection to happy moments. However, it can also lead to unrealistic comparisons with the present, creating dissatisfaction or longing for a time that was wasn’t as perfect as we remember. Understanding the subjective nature of memory helps us embrace the uplifting aspects of nostalgia while staying grounded in the reality of both past and present.
Realizing that your own memories may not be entirely accurate can be both anxiety provoking but also somewhat liberating. On one hand, it’s unsettling to question the reliability of your past; on the other, it opens the door to curiosity and a more flexible, nuanced understanding of yourself and your experiences. That embarrassing failure you cringe over every now and again might have been remembered by others as a moment that made you more relatable. Similarly, small acts of kindness or encouragement that you have no recollection of whatsoever may have left a lasting impression on someone else, becoming a deeply significant part of their life. This way of looking at memory invites you to approach your past with some curiosity rather than absolute certainty.
In terms of human relationships, when you recognize that memories of hurt or conflict may be shaped by your own emotions and biases at the time, it may become easier to forgive others—or even yourself—for perceived wrongs. When you recall a past conflict, consider that your memory of the event might be colored by your emotions at the time. At the time, you may have been stressed, tired, or already upset about something else, which amplified your perception of their tone. Another example. In a workplace setting, a colleague’s feedback during a meeting felt harsh and critical to you at the time. However, upon reflection, you realize that your own insecurities about the project may have colored your interpretation.
You also strengthen the memory by giving continuing to go over it in your mind. So now that memory may only exist inside your head, and you are the only person with that memory. It also gives you a sense of responsibility. You are the one that is keeping that memory alive you are the one fueling the furnace that gives rise to the smoke of the memory. Drawing your attention away from the present. A lot of pain and suffering can come from ‘living in the past’. It gives a whole new meaning to the word. You may have a co-worker that always seems to be in bad mood and perhaps it is because they haven’t let go of those bad memories of something that happened to them.
Recognizing the fluidity of memory can also encourage you to focus more on the present, knowing that your current experiences will likely not be remembered at all. And if they are, they will ultimately be reshaped over time. The current moment as you are experiencing it right now, is going to be skewed, reformulated or more likely simply lost to the passage of time, so why not enjoy it and live in it as much as possible?
This perspective also applies to how we experience nostalgia. Nostalgia often filters out the negative details, leaving us with idealized memories of "the good old days." This can be comforting, fostering gratitude and a sense of connection to happy moments. However, it can also lead to unrealistic comparisons with the present, creating dissatisfaction or longing for a time that wasn’t as perfect as we remember. Understanding the subjective nature of memory helps us strike a balance—embracing the uplifting aspects of nostalgia while staying grounded in the reality of both past and present.
Gaslighting. Unintentional gaslighting.
Final Thoughts
This reflection on memory reminds us a couple of things.
the importance of questioning your assumptions and being cautious about relying too heavily on memory alone. This can help you avoid overconfidence in your recollections and remain open to alternative perspectives. It also reminds us the complexities of the human mind, and the mysteries of the human mind. Memory isn’t a static moment. Our memories are precious, but they are also very powerful in both good and bad ways. An misinterpreted event can live on in your mind as a complete fabrication of reality and serve to manipulate your emotions and actions.