The Fluidity of Memory
Our memory is not a snapshot of a definitive past but more like a living narrative, shaped by our perceptions and interpretations
Your life experiences, temperament, and even factors like how you were feeling on a particular day—how much sleep you got, how attentively you were listening—all color your interpretation of events. With so many variables shaping our viewpoints, it’s no wonder that agreeing on "what actually happened" can sometimes seem difficult.
This naturally raises a deeper question about the nature of reality itself. If everyone interprets the world through their own unique lens, shaped by differing experiences and perspectives, can we truly say that we all inhabit the same reality? It’s a perplexing thought, that perhaps invites more questions that answers. In any case, the nature of reality will be the subject of a future post. Here I will like to reflect on the nature of human memory —something that might not be as reliable or as fixed as we often believe it to be.
While we may assume our memories to be unchanging records of the past, this view may be far from accurate. Memories are more like subjective reconstructions, influenced by the emotions, biases, and perceptions present at the time. Furthermore, as we recall memories over time, they may be reshaped by new information about the event, by new experiences and therefore new interpretations.
Realizing that your own memories may not be entirely accurate can be both anxiety provoking but also somewhat liberating. On one hand, it’s unsettling to question the reliability of your past; on the other, it opens the door to curiosity and a more flexible, nuanced understanding of yourself and your experiences.
That embarrassing failure you cringe over every now and again might have been remembered by others as a moment that made you more relatable. Similarly, small acts of kindness or encouragement that you have no recollection of whatsoever may have left a lasting impression on someone else, becoming a deeply significant part of their life. Which version is closer to the truth? Sometimes, we need the perspective of others to piece together a more reliable picture of what really happened.
In human relationships, recognizing that memories of hurt or conflict may be shaped by your own emotions and biases at the time can make it easier to forgive others—or even yourself—for perceived wrongs. When reflecting on a past conflict, consider that your memory of the event may have been colored by how you felt in the moment. At the time, you may have been stressed, tired, or already upset about something else, which amplified your perception of their tone or actions.
In a workplace setting, a colleague’s feedback during a meeting may have felt harsh and overly critical. Upon reflection, however, you might realize that your own insecurities about the project influenced how you interpreted their words. By understanding this dynamic, it becomes possible to reassess the situation with greater clarity.
One fascinating aspect of memory is how vast stretches of our lives can be distilled into just a handful of vivid images. Think about your elementary school days—perhaps only a fleeting montage of moments comes to mind, capturing a mere fragment of all the experiences from that time. Over the years, this montage reshuffles, with some memories fading and new ones taking their place, like a deck of cards being dealt and rearranged.
The same phenomenon occurs when recalling your teenage years or your first love. These vivid images are not always consciously chosen; more often than not they appear spontaneously in your mind’s eye. But who—or what—is selecting them? Who is dealing those cards? While we don’t have the answer, what we do know is that these memories are uniquely shaped by your perceptions and personal relationship to those events.
Nostalgia is also a funny thing isn’t it? Derived from the Greek words nóstos (return home) and álgos (pain or suffering), nostalgia captures the bittersweet longing for the past. It often idealizes memories, focusing on positive moments and filtering out the negative, which can create a comforting sense of gratitude and connection. Yet, this same idealization can lead to unrealistic comparisons with the present, fostering dissatisfaction or a longing for a time that wasn’t as perfect as we recall. The focus of nostalgia can change with what feels most significant during each phase of life and reshaping how we relate to your past.
Memories are sometimes also under your conscious control. You strengthen memories, particularly negative ones, every time you revisit it in your mind. Over time, that memory may exist solely in your head, making you its sole keeper. This responsibility means you are the one keeping it alive, the one fueling the furnace that creates the smoke of the memory—often pulling your attention away from the present and potentially preventing you from making new memories. This can lead to pain and suffering.
Recognizing the fluidity of memory can encourage you to focus more on the present, knowing that many of your current experiences will likely fade into oblivion within just a few days. In fact, countless moments from this very morning may have already vanished into the ether. And even if you manage to recall a specific event, it will likely be reshaped over time—skewed, reformulated, or clouded by new perspectives. So why not fully live in this moment?
Final Thoughts
Reflecting on memory reminds us of several important truths. First, it highlights the need to question our assumptions and avoid relying too heavily on memory alone. By doing so, we can remain open to alternative perspectives and guard against the pitfalls of overconfidence in our recollections. Second, it underscores the profound complexity and mystery of the human mind. Memory isn’t a static snapshot; it is fluid, ever-evolving, and deeply influential.
While our memories are precious, they also wield immense power—for better or worse. A misinterpreted event can linger as a distortion of reality, shaping our emotions and actions in ways we may not even realize. This understanding invites us to approach our memories with curiosity, humility, and self-awareness, recognizing their potential to enrich our lives or, if left unchecked, to lead us astray.